Caitlin 的个人资料Caitlin照片日志列表更多 ![]() | 帮助 |
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2月28日 The past few posts...Most of those poems were from last year... I just thought I'd post them... Not sure why, just felt like it...
I am thinking about posting a blog with all of the titles of my blogs with poems in them, mostly so I know where they are xD
Well... Today was pretty fun ^^ I got to hang out with my friends and Leif :D Pretty cool I know heehee
I have nothing really to say other than that I have a TON of homework to do, and I already ranted about how they don't put everything in the lesson so I am not gonna do that again.
Oh yeah... I am thinking about writing a speech just for the heck of it... I think it would be an okay one... But I don't think anyone would see that it is a speech xD It would look a lot like a rant to most... But we will see if I even post it. I kinda want to though xD It would be fun I think.
I haven't done this in a while... The yellow and black... Its kinda cool, not really though... Its just different haha
I have been having ALOT of weird dreams lately... I am not even gonna put what they are. They are just to... haha Won't say xD They were just weird.
Oh yeah... My brother said that I would make a good politician @_@ That would be kinda interesting for me to do I guess because I would probably just get sick of all the crap and try to get fired haha Kidding, I would at least finish my term. I will have to talk about this on a later date... Not in this blog will I talk about things ^.^
Well I have been getting alot of views on my page ^.^ And I think half of them are from me lol xD Oh well... I know that the other half isn't from me ^.^ Which is awesome. I just want the people that stop by to COMMENT. It would be nice to see if there are people that come back once in a while to see what is new on here ^.^
Well I best be going...
Bye-bye
Ttfn O.D.edHe O.D.ed on everything,
He O.D.ed on life,
He O.D.ed on everything,
Including the knife.
No one stopped him,
They encouraged him
with their cruel words.
Another drug,
Another scar,
Anything to escape the pain,
His body's loss,
Was his gain.
Cigarette after cigarette
he smoked,
Pot and shots,
Just to escape their cruel words,
Their judging stares,
Their "better-than-you" faces,
Another bong,
Just a little more meth.
One more bottle of whiskey...
Just one more long cut,
just to erase the emotional
Hell he faced today.
He O.D.ed on everything,
He O.D.ed on life,
He O.D.ed on everything,
Including his knife.
And who started it all?
You did.
The love of his life. Rumble-Tumble, NatureAll is clam and tranquil,
Slow movement under the surface,
Signs appear as time progresses, until,
One Plate slides beneath Another,
Movement and Sounds of release,
and an Earthquake
Rumbles and Tumbles things
about.
Mountains Peak as
the Earth's crust is broken.
Shreiks and Steam waves come,
then Earth is satisfied,
its Tensions released.
Only the new Features to be Treasured. MessageHere it is, me
heart thumping on this
page,
you may not care
that you have the knife
that went into
it,
you may not want
to hear what I have to
say,
but I don't care.
The blood is all over
the paper,
staining it red, well
you pulled it out, you
deal with
the bllod on this page,
can't you
hear the thumping?
I know you can.
Here it is,
my heart on this
page,
What emotion do you
think it has suffered
and enjoyed from
you. Other side of the FenceYou have no idea what
it is like to be on the
other side of the fence until
you're there.
You feel horrible when you
break his heart,
you realize that it is just
as horrible holding the
heart that you mistakenly
will always have a hold
on.
You can hear the other
crying in the background,
his world spinning and
thinking of all the things
he said and what made
him deserve this, you
know his world is nothing
now, he is lost and
extremly confused.
He sits there blankly for
hours, tears rolling down
his face.
You know what you have
done,
and you hate every minute
of having to be the
one that did it. What he didWhat he did
was put his hand
through my chest
and sat there
and held my heart,
and I was conent,
I didn't know where
my hands were
on his body,
my only hope was
that they were in
his chest too. Suicide ValentineShe was a beauty,
He was a handsome lad,
And for some reason,
she hung herself that day,
The 14th of Febuary,
No one knew why,
No one was clear,
No one could see
what she held dear.
He heard the news,
It was hard to believe,
so he rolled up his sleeve,
And started cutting away,
Every which way,
Febuary. The 14th Day.
No one understood,
No one was clear,
No one could see,
what he held dear.
Off and away,
two secret hearts,
Came out to play,
but instead took lives that
Horrible day.
So maybe,
you see,
It could just be,
Our unlucky day is
Febuary 14. 2月23日 Best FeelingCome closer to me
my darling,
The sun is warm
and we've time to kill.
Look into my eyes
my darling,
Words cannot say
what eyes do.
The cool breezes blow
across
our shaking skins,
Drawing us nearer.
Sunlight warms us,
and the
close far game
continues.
The first move made,
lips long to
be locked,
to touch.
Our bodies again beg,
Come closer to me
my darling,
We've come to love the
time that needs
killing.
The first kiss,
planned to be so smooth,
but its so
unknown,
and so rough.
Look into my eyes
my darling,
Words cannot say
what eyes do.
Another sunset,
The rays hit us,
We've more time to kill,
and breezes
to cool us,
bringing us closer.
Another "First" Kiss. 2月19日 My SchoolI HATE IT! They NEVER explain ANYTHING in their lessons!!! ITS BULLSHIT! I hate always being confused because THEY didn't put it down in THEIR lessons! I HATE MY SCHOOL SO MUCH!
Its like I am constantly having to look things uop online because there is so much missing and I just don't understand and it stresses me out and I HATE MY SCHOOL!!! I WISH IT WOULD DIE!
My school makes me so fucking pissed off that I take it out on people and I just want to break things whenever i have to just sit for DAYS AND DAYS looking for ONE thing because THEY didn't put it in there! I DON'T HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD LIKE MY TEACHERS DO! They get days off, I don't. They get to have vacation, I don't. Its fucked up. Oh yeah, my favorite was when the person that signs people up for their classes went on a trip so she wrote all of us and said,
"Hey, since its the holidays, and most of you are going on trips, I am gonna wait until the 26th to sign the rest of the students up for their new classes."
I WAS SO PISSED! Does that mean that ONLY those students that HADN'T GOT THEIR NEW CLASSES were the only ones with plans for the holidays?!?! It was really unfair to the rest of the students that HAD their classes already. She only did that because SHE wanted some time off.
I know I am just complaining about something I really can't control, but I don't care. My school is so stupid sometimes. If they are going to have this school they should at least be sure that they have EVERYTHING IN THE LESSON! Its not like I can just go ask my teacher and get a response right away. I usually don't hear from my teachers until a week later so its not like it is worth asking them anyways!
Since I have gone to this school I have started to hate some of the subjects I once loved because I am constantly playing look-out for any infomation I can get my hands on for these classes!
Okay I am going to go TRY to work on my Algebra II class, which I would love if I wasn't having to look for things every five minutes because my teachers are stupid and left about 90% of the lesson out.
Bye-bye
Ttfn 2月17日 Bitter Sweet ValentineShe dreams of his lips, So lollipop smooth, Perfectly pink, With his dark brown locks and his amazing eye-locking gorgeous green-blue eyes. He is her Valentine,
They are just neighbors, They are just friends, But hopefully more before the day ends.
He turns his perfect shaped body, His bouncing brown curls, Kisses her check, and her heart whirls and twirls, but to her dismay, he had found another Valentine that day. At least I got a kiss… She says as she turns away.
They are just neighbors, They are just friends, But nothing more when the day ends.
He thinks of her broken heart, Her many torn places, Her mask worn in all situations, But underneath he knows, There is a girl no one sees, There is something more to her, Or so he wishes to believe.
They are just classmates, They were once friends, He prays to be lovers by days end.
He spots her, Her eyes dripping wet, She’s sitting in the hall, With nothing, and no one at all. He comes forth and asks her, I wouldn’t mind, not even at all, if you were the one, I gave my love to, not just today, but tomorrow too, so what do you say, because I am in love with you, Would you mind being mine, Even if it is just for today?
She wiped away her tears, She knew they were pointless anyway, Looked up and smiled, She couldn’t say no, Not even the next day, How unmiserable she was, And how his face glowed, They trotted off, Faces filled with glee.
They are classmates, They are now friends, Now even lovers, if only till days end.
The other boy, Whose heart was greedy for looks, His love was lost, And tossed away, Like it was nothing to the wicked girl, As if it were child’s play.
What a bitter sweet Valentine’s Day.
2-14-08 Somewhere Only We Know by KeaneI walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand I felt the earth beneath my feet Sat by the river and it made me complete Oh simple thing where have you gone I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin I came across a fallen tree I felt the branches of it looking at me Is this the place we used to love? Is this the place that I've been dreaming of? Oh simple thing where have you gone I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin And if you have a minute why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don't we go Somewhere only we know? Oh simple thing where have you gone I'm getting old and I need something to rely on So tell me when you're gonna let me in I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin And if you have a minute why don't we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don't we go Somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don't we go Somewhere only we know? I just recently found this, song and I alread know most of the words XD It kind of depresses me though, but I love the song :)
It kinda reminds me of my old classmates before high school, that is probably why it depresses me becaus I miss all of them so much :(
Well I better go and sing this song some more while I do school (<-- I hate deadlines!!!!)
Bye-bye
Ttfn My MomMy mom just did something she has never done to me before. She called me something like a brat or snap kinda thing, but I didn't snap or act braty at all... Not even my tone of voice. I am not pissed or anything, I am just kinda surprised she would do that... I mean she has never done that before, its kinda weird that she did though. Oh well I guess... That is the weirdest thing she has ever done.
Ever since we've moved down here she has been acting differently, it kinda sucks... I miss the old mom, she was much more understand and stuff... Its hard to believe that I am going to be moving out soon and not having mom there in my house or apartment... I know its not until after high school, but still, its weird to think about...
I miss being at the beginning of high school... Sigh... I hate not being able to post anything on here...
I am gonna go because for once this thing is depressing me more than usual.
Bye-bye
Ttfn ExhaustedMy body is so tired and I have no idea why... It just feels like if I were to lay down for a second I would fall asleep instantly, it kinda sucks...
I haven't been writing on here because I cannot post anything I really want to, mainly because of certain people that I know read this, I wish that that weren't the case though. I wish that everything could be a lot more open... a lot more honest... I mean, I am honest, but I try to find the nicest way to be honest, and I know one day I am just gonna snap from doing that and I am gonna hurt someone badly because I snapped at the wrong moment.
The food we ate tonight isn't really helping me with my sleepiness and sickness.
I am really really tired... My legs feel like they are gonna give out at any second... I hate when I am this tired.
Lately I have been thinking too much, what else is new...
Right now my family is playing Rock Band, its an okay game... Well to me only because I can't play worth shit xD
I hate writing in here because sometimes I give off the impression that I am happy when I am not happy right now. Especially with myself. I seem to just not do the things I want to do or am afraid to do the things I want to do.
There are some things that I would just kill to say to some people, but I don't end up saying them so that everyone elses lives are easier on them because they don't have to deal with this new information that I just told them. I find myself putting someone elses needs before mine too often. It sucks and I find it stupid of me to do because that means I am just hiding another thing, which is something I do, but don't do. Some things in life just complicate lafe more than it needs to be. I would name a few, but I am just not going to go there. My mind is weird. It is starting to think some things that are just really mean to think.
I really wish I was writing to a news paper anonmously because then I could say what I wanted, and hopefully it would get in the paper for people to read, then I could just do that. Be he mysterious writer to the paper that gets posted and people are dying to know who it is, but won't until years later when I am ready to face the hits I might receive from my friends and family. But I doubt anything that cool would ever happen in my life because someone is always ready to snoop around me to find out if anything hidden is going on.
I guess one way to stop people from doing that is to be totally open ALL the time, but that isn't like me at all. I love to have my secrets, but not as many as I do have... I wish so many of them weren't secrets, but sadly because of people I know I cannot be so open because I would like to stay friends with them.
I think I need to just one day say fuck it and write whatever the hell I want on here. Just write what I want.
I know some of you think you don't cencor my writing, BUT YOU DO, its not on purpose, but you do, I don't want any of you to be hurt or confused. I know that some of you also think I am totally me and comfortable around you, well I'm not, I am never totally me around majority of the people I know because you would just judge too quickly.
I am starting to get mad because I HATE having to always watch what I type, what I do around certain people because its like a report to another person and it drives me up a wall. Either I have to report it so its not twisted or other people report it and I have to explain something that just doesn't need explaining. Its like I have certain hours of the day when I hang out with people when I am "allowed" to be me, 100%. I hate it. Its like this constant checklist is being done about what I do.
"Is she smiling?
Is her happy tone?
Is she looking away?
etc. etc."
It drives me mad! I can't do anything without someone thinking something might be wrong. Like going for a walk. I can't even do that without someone instantly assuming that I am angry or something. If I am a little grumpy from lack of sleep I instantly have something majorly wrong with me. It drives me insane! Its like there is this certain way I am supposed to act around certain people and God forbid I have to hang out with both because then one thinks that I am faking a different personality to impress the other person I am with. I act differently depending on the person I am hanging out with, people are different, so I act in a way that they are comfortable to hang out around.
Like some people don't mind being loud and crazy, and others just want to hang out and talk quietly in the back of the room and not have attention drawn to them, so I am not gonna do the same things around the two different people.
Okay now I am just going to start a rant if I don't leave now. So I will go now.
Bye-bye
Ttfn 2月14日 Had to Think TodayI had to,
I just HAD to.
I had to remember
the good old times,
The times you've made me cry,
The times I've been
hurt and you came to my rescue,
The times I questioned you,
the days I used to know you.
I had to think of those silly jokes,
Those good old sing alongs.
Damn it!
Why did I have to think TODAY?!
I could have read,
or watched TV instead,
but nope!
I had to think of you instead,
and all the pain you have brought me,
the joy you have given me,
the confusion of your actions.
I could have done a million different things,
than sit around and think about you all day.
I could have grabbed a pencil,
wrote somethings down,
done some school,
But NO.
I had to think today.
Idk where this came from, I really don't, one of my few poems that has little to do with something I feel. Maybe its because its Valentine's Day and I hate today and this is how I know some people feel. 2月12日 I'm TiredI'm tired of all the sex
and drugs
going on around me,
I'm tired of all the lies
everyone is telling.
I'm sick of all these people
hiding who they are,
Smothering
their personalities.
I'm tired of the headlines
I see everyday.
I'm tired of excuses for
why this or that person
didn't see
the point in living another day.
I'm sick of this,
I'm sick of that.
I am sick of all your crap. 2月6日 Just a ramble type thingI closed myself from
my surroundings,
Never planning on an
extended visit.
I didn't want to see,
so I looked away.
I had fallen from me.
I needed to look away
to me.
Me, myself, I...
There I was.
I was trying to catch up
with my shell,
begging for my shell
to listen to what I needed,
not what another did.
I had detached my thoughts,
my emotions,
my touch,
Almost everything.
It was an accident to loose myself,
I lost myself while my eyes
were open,
and
Paying attention to the outside
environment.
I lost myself...
With my eyes open.
My body and my mind
were no longer one.
Detached.
Slowly I felt myself slip
into the depression
that is me,
I realized I was ignoring me,
causing turmoil
and suffering,
I had no longer cared
about me...
It was all about you...
I was pretending me,
I was faking a smile.
I ignored what I felt,
Delayed everything that involved
feeling.
I detached myself,
and
I didn't know I had done it.
It was an accidental detachment
of me.
Idk what that was exactly, it wasn't a poem... I guess I wrote it because I have been ignoring part of me, and just recently I totally detached myself from my body, I just kinda did things... I know that isn't really the best thing to do, but I can't help it sometimes that is just what my mind does to me... Its feels really weird and I have no inspiration right now so I feel like I am writing, but not with feeling really... Just writing to write, I blame something for this, but I am not going to say what I blame for this, how about me, that works, cause it is kinda my fault anyways...
But anywho... I have noticed that the only time I can write with a lot of passion is when I am absolutely miserable... Its kinda weird... I force myself to get depressed so that I can write more... Oh well, it is really up to me I guess...
Well I guess I am gonna go, because right now the fact that I have major writers block is making me feel like I am passionless, so yeah...
Bye-Bye
Ttfn Breaking AwayBreaking away, You are free, Your wings spread, Your body in flight, But yet, Your heart is chained down. It longs to fly, It is screaming and pulling Away from the ground, It can’t get more than an Inch off.
Breaking away, Such a wonderful And harmful feeling… Your body is slowly drifting away, As an empty shell, No emotion, Not even love, Its like they say… Breaking away, Is a tragedy runaway.
By: Caitlin Schemmer 1-26-08 Songs&SingersSometimes I listen to songs and I ust think "Wow, I wish I could write something half as good as that."
It seems like it would be really hard to write them though, and most of them rhyme, and I can't really at all, when I do it sucks, but sometimes I really wish I could so that if I ever wanted to make one of m poems into a song then I actually could and have it sound good.
I can usually make a movie in my head when I listen to music, I mean all of it, not just the lyrics or the instruments, all of it. The movies are really cheesy, but still I love making the movies in my head, although... It does give me an idea of what would be cool to happen, but I know it just won't, I still feel happy afterwards though. Even though most songs out there are kinda sad love songs, I can still make a movie that kind of brings me happiness in some way.
Song writers amaze me so much, same as singers. I am kind of obsessing right now, I love female singers with big voices; they have so much power in their voices. I love it so much!
Most songs depress me, but there are certain ones that describe how I feel perfectly without depressing me.
I know I am not making much sense right now, but I don't care. I love to listen to music like that, really simple, straight to the point, not exactly hopeless either, and strong. I love songs like that.
I am really obsessing over some songs right now, its kinda weird, I hardly ever obsess about a song enough to write about how much I love it, well maybe a little, but generally not an entire blog about it xD But it is more than one song, and I love them. I understand them so well, if I spent the rest of the day just reading the lyrics I would be so content, nothing would really bug me unless the power went out so that I couldn't read them >.< I would be very angry about that.
I wouldn't want to read them too much though cause then I know they would eventually depress me, so I just like listening to them as they come, not going to repeat them, because then I am just gonna think of the different ways to take it, and I like the way I am taking it now, it is calming me so much, I love it. Rarely do songs really speak to me and not depress me. (I just realized I probably have a lot of runon sentences in here HAHA) I really want to be able to write like this >.< Its what I want to say to so many people, and these songs aren't really angry or anything, they are just straight to the point, I LOVE THEM!
Okay I am pretty sure that I have established that I love them xD
@_@ I must say it again! I LOVE THESE SONGS!!!!
Well I should get back to school, shouldn't I? Yup... I should.... *Sigh* I don't want to, but I know I probably won't later so I better get it done now :-)
Okay I just thought of a song and I can't remember how it goes and now it is driving me mad >.< Oh well... I should go now...
Even though I want to stay and write more, I shall go.
Bye-Bye
Ttfn 2月5日 WriterYou ever get that rush?
You ever want to hear it?
That something you wrote
was to someones amazment?
I have.
What a feeling to feel,
an idea to be chased after,
a meaning to the poetry,
to the essays,
to the songs,
to the stories.
The need to show that you can.
The want to be heard.
The want to just know what you
wrote could not be redone
without messing it up.
All those sad slow songs,
those poems,
and those essays,
don't forget the stories,
to tell a person the right words
to describe how they are feeling.
The dream of a dreamer,
Only can be accomplished
by the belief of a believer.
To have someone one say,
"You wrote that perfectly"
Would be the greatest thing ever.
To inspire someone else for a change,
to be admired from what I wrote.
To make this my work.
To be my dream.
I am dreaming as a dreamer,
I am a Writer. GGGRRRRRAAAAAAAABLLLEEEHHH I HATE cocky guys! They think they are soooo great
I just want to yell at someone because it is frustrating me so much! Maybe its because I know WAY TOO MANY cocky guys. To me they are just jskl;dfahskdfhskahfdsakhl I can't even describe how much they annoy me. They anger me so. >:-|
I have to admitt it, I kinda hate both genders. I have no idea why. Both just bug me. Women are generally over emotional, and guys are generally too into pyshical type stuff... Like a fist-fight.
People are way to sensative, it gets on my nerves. I can't just say what I think without someone being hugely offened, it drives me crazy. I can't even say right now on this blog what I think of some things because I know of WAY TOO MANY poeple that would just go "What is THAT supposed to mean?!!?" And I really don't want to deal with it.
OH!! One thing that annoys me so very much is when people are always like "Oh Caitlin, you are so nice!" WELL DUH! You haven't made me mad, I am not one to be mean to you WHEN YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING TO MAKE ME MAD AT YOU! lsfjsa;lfjds;laj
Bye-Bye
Ttfn |
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