Caitlin 的个人资料Caitlin照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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3月30日 To CaptureInspiration
as if it were something
less than what it is
is cruel.
To Capture the emotion
on paper,
seems like a mindless
task to do.
To sit there and pick and pry,
As if there were some
hidden meaning
In its eye.
Inspiration,
More than your average
Rare butterfly,
Slips through my fingers,
as the day passes by.
It makes me wonder why
its so hard to
grasp,
Why its so difficult to
hold on to for long,
for once its in your mind,
Its there as soon
as its gone.
To Cature this or that,
seems like a simple chore,
But what happens when
Inpiration closes its door?
What happens to life?
Does it keep on going?
Does it keep on looking?
To Capture
Inpiration
As if it were nothing...
What would happen to
Inspiration,
if Life closed the door? 3月29日 Patch of DryIts pouring down
My Windows,
and its
Dripping from
The Sky.
Its flowing through the gutters,
and its not letting
up,
No patch of dry.
Its pouring down
My Windows,
and its
Dripping from
The Sky,
and its not letting
up,
Not a single patch of dry. 3月28日 I don't even know how to explain this one....So I am a little bored and I don't know what else to do. I don't even know what to title this one, so I guess I will name it at some point during writing this thing... I may even tell you when I title it ;-)
So I got my new classes. I have the first part of my Senior English class, so fun. ^^ But the up side is that I get to read Macbeth :D I know I could anyways, but its just more reason too ^^ I also have a computer class... It should be easy, not that it will be.
I have not been writing very much lately... I have lost a lot of inspiration... It sucks. I wish I could get some, but wishing won't get me anywhere, so I guess oh well.
I haven't had anything on my mind lately... Nothing. Its weird. I have become blank and no matter what I try to feel it just goes away so quickly. Everything. There is nothing special that stays a little longer than the rest. I am not used to it, I mean I am used to being empty and depression is the one that sticks to me for weeks at a time, but this time is different... This time NOTHING is staying, anything I have been writing or doing or anything has been almost emotionless. I hate it, because I KNOW that I feel a certain way, but I don't feel it, not towards anyone... No one. Nothing. And I know that sounds horrible, but I really can't help it... I have tried to make myself feel for the past few weeks, but nothing has worked. Maybe writing moer will help me? Even if it is just this type of thing, I will try it just in case it WILL help.
I wish... I wish too many things... Everyone wishes too much, but I suppose it gives people hope, but its a hope that can be crushed so easily, so I wonder why people wish then? Hmmm.... I guess it is just that momentary hope, so wouldn't hoping be wishing? Because people hope for the bigger things in their life to come through, but for the smaller things I find people wishing. So I guess wishing isn't all too bad... Expecially if you look at it that way. I wonder who came up with the idea of wishing? It would be intersting to know or who had the first dream and remembered it and called it a dream? Dreams are so easy to get lost in... People live their lives as if it were a dream for the drama, thinking that everything will always go back or that the person will be this or that from that point on in their lives...
Okay now I sound weird -.- I think I am gonna stop talking about that before I make a bigger fool of myself.
I could hit the backspace button and make it all go away, but I don't want to right now. I would rather just let the idea sit. :) I like the idea of letting an idea sit. I am not sure why, it just sounds nice I guess.
There is so much division these days, it annoys me. People look at all of their differences as differences, but that is one thing everyone has in common, we are all different. Everyone has a longing to some point to be noticed as someone different, it could be from anyone, just as long as they feel like they aren't a copy of someone else.
Something else that annoys me is that everyone tries to make everyone happy 100% of the time and it just doesn't work that way, everything has become so well this crowd won't be happy, change it back, well now this crowd isn't happy, better change it again. It just can't be all ways, there is no way that it can be all ways because someone will always be there complaining about what has happened because they don't agree with it.
Well I am just bringing up a million different random things in my mind now so I am gonna go because my thoughts are coming at me so fast that I can't keep them straight!
Bye-bye,
Ttfn
(Btw I just put in the title before I wrote this.) 3月24日 Oh Tape Recorder!I need a tape recorder so I can record all of the songs I randomly sing all day long, they are actually kind of cool songs, I just never remember them and I only can sing them when alone, it kinda sucks, but if I mess up no one can hear me ^^
But yeah anyways... I am going to see my cousin and his wife when I go to my dad's today with my mom and brother.
OH THAT MEANS I GET TO SEE AJ!! xDDD Now I am all excited to go visit!! :D :D :D AJ is the cutest little brother :D I love him sooooo much!! :D Last time I saw him when I left he kept saying, "Cai-tin don't leave me! Don't go bye-bye!" I felt so bad >_< I didn't want to go! xD He is so cute! Its hard to believe that he is almost three!! Jeez! That means I am almost 18 @_@ Scary stuff.
So anywho I forget if I wrote this, but I want to be a poet when I grow-up. haha That sounds so weird now because I am almost 18... But Idk any other way to say it quickly.
Oh yeah... I have been playing this game called MapleStory ^__^ I love it and I haven't been able to play it in a LONG time so its really nice seeing everyone on there again :-D I am kinda goin crazy with it though... I had a dream on the way to my brothers house that me and my friend Demo were doing the Carnival Party Quest @_@ It was kinda weird. I could see our convo and everything lol
Okay, now that that has been said I should probably go, but I don't want to because I am enjoying the typing... Kinda, more of I am enjoying the bloging. I haven't in a while, its hard to believe that 100 blogs is coming up!
Oh speaking of blogs... I need to send someone the link to it ^__^
I can't to know if I can put my poems up around the school :D It would be awesome if I could!!
OH YEAH! HAPPY LATE EASTER MY INVISIBLE READERS! :D
Heehee Had to.
So anywho... I think I am gonna go.
LEIF
Bye-bye,
Ttfn
P.S. HAHA Take that Lei-Fart BAM 3月19日 Did YOU know...That on my 50th Blog I wanted to write so many things, but didn't because it was my 50th blog and I didn't want it to be just another boring blog! Now its almost time for my 100th blog and I read my blogs more than other people do lol Oh well :) We all have got to start somewhere. I really wish more people would read this though... I should probably put it out there more.
I should... I am going to try to post "Slipping" up around one of my old High Schools... :) I hope they let me. heehee I think I am going to put this web address on the bottom of the page haha And how lame is this blog! Talking about it HAHA XD But anyways... I wonder if anyone would actually go to this page... And if they do they better leave commets -.- I would like to see what people think, jeeeez!
The other day I realized that if anyone that didn't really know me took the time to read these blogs and poems then they would really get to know me. Its kind of weird... Most of the time the colors I write with represent people in my life... Sometimes its just what feels right. But a lot of the time it is a color that reminds me of the person I am writing about.
I never really use brown... So I thought I would this time.
The only complaint I have about this blog really is that I can't post what I truely feel sometimes. I am very limited because I know people that might read this. I don't care when strangers read it and see it and think I am horrible because of what I wrote... I just don't want my friends to think that. In many ways this blog is like a diary, except for the part about my many secrets that people are frustrated by... I don't know... I just can't give out my secrets... I mean I can after a while, but never on here... It would be too hard to do that...
I am thinking of a poem that I could write on here, but I don't know... Maybe I will...
I did.. But I took it out... Its not something I wish to share ^^
But anywho :) I would get back to school if I could, but I can't because they have it closed down for maintenance right now...Grr to my school.
-.- I hate slow songs soo much, music just depresses me >_< Oh well :) I should probably get off now so I don't put people to sleep :) So I will go now...
Bye-bye,
Ttfn :0)
(P.S. Its weird how many smilies I put in that last part @_@ Okay BYE NOW xD) Blog 92Heeheehee I am so close to 100!!! I am quite excited :D
Lately I have been writing songs and stuff like that... I like it ^^ I didn't know I could haha XD They aren't the typical song you hear on the radio though... They are more like the older tunes :) I love that kind of music. I am writing a song right now that is still in the making, its kinda cool :) I like it so far, I might need to change some things here and there though.
Oh yeah! My brother Aaron got "Enchanted" haha I saw it in theatres, it was awesome! The main character reminds me of someone I know xD But anywho... This blog is mainly to keep track of what one I am on xD
Everytime I type "haha" I think people that are reading this are thinking I am laughing like a donkey or something >_<
Oh yeah!!! I have soo much school to do @_@ And I can't say something about school -.- But yeah lets just say I am NOT to thrilled with some people right now.
So anywho... Something new in my life... Hmm... Well I am probably going to AZ this summer ^^ I think that rocks socks off feet :D I really want to meet Leif's dad :) And it looks like I will be able to go on the Harley run with my dad too ^^ So my summer should be fun :D
If I go to AZ then I would be there for 3 weeks @_@ That is probably going to be the longest vacation from my family I have ever had... It will be kinda weird... Oh yeah, my mom and step-dad might be moving to Wisconson.... Idk if I am going to go with them though... I don't really want to... I would rather stay here in WA... Or at least for the rest of high school.
^^ Another new thing is I have recently got in contact with an old friend :) He went to my old school :) It was nice talking to him because Idk... I never really talk to anyone from my old school anymore and its just nice to talk to any of my old classmates from there... They are like my family :) Its like we were all so excited to leave the private school that we were too excited to actually stay in contact with each other... Although Idk if many of my old classmates really care to stay in contact with me... But I am still happy to hear from them :) There are only a few that I would love to stay friends with no matter what, but its hard to find any time these days... Its kind of sad because I really was hoping to stay in touch more than I do with a lot of them... I hardly ever even think to call because of school, oh well I guess.
So anyways... I know Leif knows all of this, but he is going to read it anyways lol Hey Leif xD I know what I am going to do one day... I am just going to make this huge blog and then right as you scroll down BAM! There is your name and you will be all like "WTF!" And probably laugh haha xD I am sure you are laughing now OH! Tell me if I am right when you read this part haha xD Idk if I will be but yeah... Tell me...
So I am thinking of posting a story on a diff place than this one because this one is more about poetry and rants and other stuff like that... But Idk... MAYBE if I get far enough in it then I will post it here... But IDK. Not like it matters all too much.
Well I am sure this is getting boring... But yeah... That is what is going on and YAYAYAYAY!!!!!!! 92 BLOGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D Okay! I might be getting a little hyper now 0.0 <_< >_> MAYBE.... ANYWHO!!! I have a few math tests to do >_< And also some assignments -.- The tests will be easier than the assignments believe it or not, but anywho I should be going but I don't want to because I haven't blogged in a while :( I love to blog, but since school has been taking up all of my time its kinda hard to blog when there is very little inspiration to blog... But here I am, Miss Little-Inspirate-To-Blog, so Idk... That just totally went in a circle lol xD Oh well!!!
ANYWAYS! I should probably go so that you can read this Leif... And whoever else reads this things...
Oh yeah PEOPLE THAT READ THIS (not that there are many...) I WOULD LOVE COMMENTS :D EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW YOU :D
Well Bye-bye,
Ttfn :) 3月17日 Dancer (Written 3-13-08)If there was ever a time when you wanted me to ballroom dance and I didn't want to, put on some slow soft show tunes on and I will dance. They make me dream while I dance... I am not in the room... I am somewhere else; I am among the fairies and the trees dancing with the free leaves. I am prancing through the medows and galloping with the unicorns. Flying with the pegusis, dancing with the birds on the breezes.
Its enchanted.
I am in the blue-green lagoons and the music makes it natural, makes it powerful, makes it there. My body moves with the notes as the move up and down on their scale, to their beats.
I am lost with the small children without any care of being found, I am not in the room, its like a game of peek-a-boo, when the music blinds me and I cannot see you, to me, you cannot see me.
I am moving with the music is running through me, making my heart beat faster, slower, and I am not in the room. 3月11日 The WASLThe WASL is going on this week, it is about the most pointless test ever. It is wasting government funds on a test that doesn't actually test students on what the students have learned. Teachers have to take time out of their busy teacher time to teach us what is on the WASL. The test is very easy. I passed all of it last year, but it is ridiculous. I am sure that the government could find a better use of its money to actually help schools, maybe towards something that would actually get students thinking instead of dumbing us down. The WASL test is way below standards in my opinion, yes there are more advanced problems on it, BUT they have dumbed them down to the point where a fifth grader could easily pass the test, and this is a test for students in 10th grade.
Lets see WASL creators, how much of a difference is that? Well, we know we have to subtract and it can't be negative, there are no negative grades. Lets see, if 5-10=-5 what does 10-5 equal? Very good, its positive 5. Congradulations! You have now earned your right to graduate!
Yup. The WASL is required to graduate. Oh and do you want to know another fun fact about the WASL? They make you take four parts; reading, writing, math, and science. Do you want to know ANOTHER fun fact? You only have to pass two of the four; reading and writing. When I took it, I had to pass three of the four; reading, writing, and math. So I have a question, if we don't HAVE to pass those other tests WHY waste paper, time, and money on them? And isn't math just a LITTLE important these days?
I am not saying, "BRING BACK THE MATH!" because honestly the Math WASL was very very sdumbed down. I thought I wasn't going to pass because the math on there was from SO long ago I could barely remember. I don't get taught math that I learned about four years ago in my high school classes, unless the WASL creators think I should be relearning this. Oh yeah, another great fun fact. I had to take the WASL all throughout elementary school and all throughout middle school, and there was littler differentce in the questions year after year, and when I took the WASL last year in 10th grade I thought I was back at my elementary school, scratching my head because it was what we had just learned, not because it had been so long since I had seen anything like it.
Some people would be saying by now, "Why complain when it is so easy?"
Well, I personally don't think that ONE test should determine whether or not I graduate for one.
Second, it is not even testing me on my current knowledge.
Third, it is taking away from the time when I actually could be LEARNING something NEW.
Four, it wastes so much time.
Five, teachers have to set aside time for teaching what is on the WASL.
Six, it is a waste of government funds and time.
Seven, wastes so much paper! Those booklets are a good size, over 50 pages just for what you are reading, not even what you fill out, and that is only for ONE portion of the test.
The money used on funding this test could be put to much better use. I don't see why the students in Washington should have to take this test when it doesn't test us on what we are learning in class, not what the teachers have been forced to take time to do, but what we have actually been taught in class.This is just my opinion, and its not, as you can see, based solely on the fact that I do not want to take this test. This time waster. This money waster. This tree eater. This supposed determiner of whether or not I should graduate, last time I checked I thought my credits determined that. This dumb-downer knowledge-sucker.
I made this blog because Leif asked me to, otherwise I would not have posted this. So here you go Leif :-) A WASL rant just for you (and anyone else who reads this thing.)
Bye-bye
Ttfn
(P.S. Oh such a serious ending to this blog!) 5 o'clock AMI went to bed last night around I don't know lets say about 1:30-2 o'clock, and this morning I woke up to my dog Max barking at small children running around outside with their parents to probably go on a vacation at around 5:20! Then I looked at the floor and my other dog Chyenne had crapped. Oh I was pleased because I had JUST gotten to that perfect sleep, not too deep you know? So I had to get up, clean up the crap, but by that time I was pretty much AWAKE so I got some cereal. After I finished that I called Leif because he was going to wake me up at 6 anyways, so there really a reason to wake me up anymore since my dogs did a perfect job of that.
After Leif and I hung up the phone I went back to sleep <_< Which I wasn't supposed to do. Leif had kinda figured that I had went back to sleep so he called me again to wake me up at 6:30 >.< So I am thankful, but also really tired xD But it is all good, at least I won't be all zoney when I do school today... I haven't really wrote a blog lately... Well I have, but haven't because I haven't ranted in a while AND most of it has been poetry, or what I have been posting on here.
Well I should go now.
Bye-bye
Ttfn 3月8日 SlippingI am slipping
my fingertips
have no tracktion,
I am slipping,
and I can't
feel my reaction.
The sun doesn't
brighten my
eyes,
The moon cannot
darken
them.
I am slipping
my fingertips
have no tracktion,
I am slipping,
and I can't
feel my reation.
A hand to mine
doesn't
affect my nerves,
Eye to eye
their eyes
words are not heard.
I am slipping
my fingertips
are bloody and dripping,
trying to get
a hold on things,
I am slipping
and I cannot feel
any sort of my mind
reacting.
My eyes don't see,
they only scan.
My body doesn't feel,
it just knows what is
there.
I am slipping,
my hands do not feel
that they are
bloody and cold,
I am slipping,
and my mind
isn't reacting at all.
Keep climbing,
Keep climbing,
Up out of this hole,
You've done it before,
and all alone,
so do it again,
Again
Again
My mind is screaming,
but it has no feeling,
Just saying what it knows.
I am slipping,
my fingertips are almost
dead and they
cannot stop bleeding.
I am slipping
and my body's reaction
is nothing at all.
Come on,
climb out of bed,
Lets do this day,
Again and again.
Come on
Come on,
Not your depression again.
Get out of this hole,
just like the past.
Come on and get up,
I know you can,
So get up
Get up
and start climbing
Again.
I am slipping
my fingertips
have no tracktion,
I am slipping,
and I can't
feel my reaction. 3月5日 You Know The DaysWhen you've got
too much time
to think about things?
And the
"What ifs"
the
"Maybes"
Come rushing into your
mind.
The days when you
just hate
to think of all the
different ways
things could have gone.
That what if about
the past
and the maybe of the
future.
You know the days
when you've got
too much time?
The days when your mind
thinks things,
long forgotten?
The days when you just
hate everyone.
When the day comes,
when you've too much time
to think,
and the
"What ifs"
are floating around
and the
"Maybes"
are flying at your head,
when you just hate
your thoughts,
there is no escape.
Every song you listen to
reminds you,
Everyone around you
makes you think more and more.
Your assignments,
Your movements,
Everything you do.
Everything you see.
It all comes back
to the
"What ifs"
the
"Maybes"
the
thoughts. 3月2日 When You're AloneWhen you're alone,
Nothing but the unjudging
walls to see you,
The needed air to
hear you,
The forgiving paper to store
your actions in its memory,
you can do anything.
You can be loud,
Dance for nothing,
Say things aloud that you
dare not say
when others are there to
judge,
to hear,
to see,
to record in their memories.
When you're alone,
you are secretly free.
You're world changes,
its known,
and yet,
you do not know it.
It is thick with emotions
and
thoughts,
with secrets
with you.
The side no one knows,
the true you,
The side no one sees,
You.
Time seems to go
by to quickly,
as someone always comes in,
You're gaurd is only up for one
reason;
Other people coming in.
When you're alone,
Nothing but the unjudging
walls to see you,
The needed air to
hear you,
The forgiving paper to store
your actions in its memory,
you can do anything.
You can let
yourself slip out words,
movements,
anything you want.
There is nothing there to
jugde you,
but you.
When you're alone,
The walls may not judge your actions,
but you do.
The air may not care what you say,
but you do.
The paper may forgive what you wrote,
but you won't.
You see it.
You hear it.
You write it.
You record it.
When you're alone.
Every action,
sound,
sentance.
You judge,
You care,
You may not forgive
the things you did
When you were alone. 3月1日 Today at 8:03PM....This is what I wrote....
Writing to me brings up old memories... Some painful, some make me nervous, others are just confusing. Writing lets me escape into a world of emotions, doesn't matter which one or who they are towards, the emotions just come. Writing allows me to express myself and let my mind go, I love it, even now it is calming me hugely... I am not sure why it lets me relax, but it does, and I love it. It allows me to think and feel and say things I dare not speak.
Any kind of writing where I can express myself freely makes me comfortable. Letters, poems, essays, stories, things like those relax me and let me speak not only to the ones that read them, but to myself as well. I find out a little bit more about me each time I write... And once I start, I don't want to stop. I have no idea why writing is my release, but it is.
My emotions are in my head and spilling themselves into my gut... They make it turn and I am forced to digest them. I love when I write, I feel so free and like I can say anything, as long as its just me reading some of the writing I write, I will write about my inner most thoughts and emotions.
No body knows me one hundred percent, unless they have read ALL of my writing, but even then... No one would know me all the way. This writing that I am doing right now has clamed me and made me think of so many things... Things I will never show anyone, except for a select few.
Now that I am calm, I must stop writing and focus on what I need to do.
When I wrote this I was just thinking a lot and I really needed to calm myself... Writing this helped me calm down a lot while I was writing it, but right afterwards I went straight back to being nervous... Its like writing is my own little world that just pulls me from my current state and puts me into a new one. I love being pulled from my current state into a totally different world and just being able to say what I want, write what I want, and just feel so free.
Well I know no one really reads this thing, and if they do they don't leave comments... But oh well... This is more for me than for anyone... If I didn't have this place to write my ideas down I don't think I would have realized how much I love to write, I know there are other places, but this one is more convinent for me I guess because I never went to other places to write before this place.
Well I better go now.
Bye-bye
Ttfn |
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