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4月29日 Part of a convo with AngIts pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: I am supposed to make more to "The Witch" Angela says: im enjoying it quite alot Angela says: lol Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: lol Angela says: u should make another series Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: ? Angela says: based on realynn Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: HAHAHAHA Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: I should Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: "The Waddler" Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: LOL Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: She will be a duck with a HUGE ass. Angela says: lol Angela says: what?? Angela says: did she get a big ass? Its pouring down My Windows, and its dripping from The Sky. says: HAHAH No but she acts like it Angela says: lol 4月24日 "The Witch" Part 2Early the next morning the AverageGirl was woken by her Mother, WonderfullyUnderstanding, the Prince was to be at her house soon.
"Get up, your Prince will be here soon, I will return with breakfast." said WonderfullyUnderstanding as she was walking out the door.
The AverageGirl leapt from her bed and tried to keep busy while waiting for both her breakfast and her Prince to arive. She went over to her Crystal ball and cast spells into it. The AverageGirl grabbed a Robe and wrapped it around her body. She waited.
The sound of a horse-drawn carriage was heard coming up the dirt road and the AverageGirl rushed to the Window, hoping it was her Prince. No, it was WonderfullyUnderstanding. She walked out the door and brought in the food her Mother had just bought from the market. WonderfullyUnderstanding was off to her place of work. The AverageGirl made herself breakfast while she waited for her Prince.
Finally the Prince arived, looking tired and still steamed from the Battle the night before. The Witch just sat in her black carriage and didn't speak a word to the AverageGirl.
"Hello Prince," said the AverageGirl smiling.
"Hello..." he said glumly.
The two walked inside the small house, the only person inside was UncaringCarer, AverageGirl's younger sister, and she was fast asleep.
The hours rolled by. The Prince and the AverageGirl were studying their subject once again, when suddenly another dweller of the home arived. He was the eldest of the AverageGirl's siblings.
"Oh hello Sir, I thought you were going to be with Your Maiden until this evening?" the AverageGirl said questioningly.
Sir quickly explained and took away the Crystal Ball from his sibling.
The Prince and the AverageGirl decided it was best to leave the house. The two walked to AverageGirl's Mother's place of work. WonderfullyUnderstanding loved seeing the two, she welcomed the unexpected visit.
It was time for the two to leave with WonderfullyUnderstanding to fetch UncaringCarer and bring the sibling to their Father, ChangedMan's, home. The Witch must have been feeling generous when the Prince asked his Mother if he could stay to speak with the dweller of ChangedMan's Castle.
There he stayed until the time came when ChangedMan's wife, Waddler, was to bring him home, of course the AverageGirl came with him.
The Prince barely stayed home, he left for a good friend of his' home. He only spent a few hours at JayBird's home and then was off.
The day was nearly gone when the Prince arrived home, he summoned the AverageGirl on his Crystal Ball telling her he would talk to her again soon, but for time he must go off to fight another Battle with The Witch. Oh so happy right now.So I am at my dad's house right now... Fun... I get to deal with RaeLynn -_-
There have been some changes that have made it so that it wouldn't be the best thing to live with my brother Aaron, instead I am going to be living with my dad, which wouldn't be bad if RaeLynn wasn't here.
I am not really having the best of days today, I have got so much to do still and I am so tired of Leif's mom. She is just a bitch. She sent me this text today which was sending a clear message, even though it was a "joke." I didn't text back. I don't want to talk to her. She thinks that she is all high and mighty and that I am some little quiet girl who has nothing to say. Boy is she in for a nice surprise. Last night I wanted to say so many things to her, but I didn't for Leif's sake and so that she wouldn't cry herself to sleep because I was going to be very harsh.
I had so many things in my head that I was going to say. I will not say them on here because that is not really something I should be putting on a blog that other people can see.
Well I better go. I have things to try and work on while I am here.
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 4月23日 "The Witch"Once upon a day there was the AverageGirl doing the normal thing, just helping her Prince with the normal things, watching the Royal Siblings. The AverageGirl was at the Princes house studying with him when they both realized that they needed more time that night to study. The Prince had an idea.
"We should ask my Mother if I can stay the night at your cottage to study more."
"Okay." said the AverageGirl.
The Prince then went over to the Crystal Ball and summoned his Mother to conversation, unfortunatly his Mother was 'The Witch'
Kindly he asked, "Mother, would it be too much trouble if I were to spend the night at my fair maiden's house this night, so that we may have more time to study?"
"We will see, I will tell you when I get home." The Witch said, already knowing her answer.
Excitedly the Prince turned and said to the AverageGirl, "I think that means yes."
The Prince and the AverageGirl continued with their studies until The Witch came through the Castle's doors.
The Prince and The Witch went back and forth with Spells flying this way and that, each pointed to the other.
"You may not stay the night at you 'fair maiden's' house this night."
The AverageGirl's Mother, WonderfullyUnderstanding, came by carriage to take away her daughter and the Prince, she had not heard of the Casting of Spells that had just gone on.
The AverageGirl left her Prince to face The Witch alone, and the Battle raged on, even after she had gone, Spells flying about.
The Witch grinned and said wickedly, "I am sending you off to the Commoners School and I won't think twice about it."
The Prince went to his Crystal Ball again and summoned the AverageGirl to speak with her, he told her of the battle and the could-be results of it. The AverageGirl was ferious, wishing she had cast a Spell or two of her own, but she said,
"So be it, it will work out in the end, and there is nothing that the Horrible Witch can do!" 4月22日 I guess I could title this something interesting...Today was sooooooo fun! :D:D:D:D I got to skate with Leif ^^ It was awesome! I am a little better than last time I think xD
So recently my mom has been more supportive of my career choice ^^ Its cool, not that she is READING any of my work, but its still good to know that she at least supports it a little bit ^^
Well I have a whole list of things to do before I move into my brothers house, I think there is only one thing that I need to take care of after the fact... Wait, possibely two... I have to go through all my things, move all my things this summer, get a job after August some time because I could have to take a month off, then I have to pay half the rent (Idc reall xD), then every weekend I am not going to be able to stay at the apartment lol It is his "alone time" with his girlfriend, which I totally understand 100%. Mom had a problem with it at first, but I really dont. So I need to find a place to stay on the weekends if Leif's mom says no to it >.< I hope that she doesn't! That would suck!!
I am still going to be homeschooling so that its easier for work. I need to ask the school about if I need to enroll again next year, which should go well. There are other things I have to do too, but I will not say on here xD
SO ANYWAYS! Skating was awesome, I love it, even though it doesn't seem like it xD I hope I can soon...
Bleh I have to get all caught up with my English class >.< I have so much reading to do -_- I don't want to, but I must *sigh*
I have been getting a lot of compliments on my poetry lately ^^ Its pretty cool :D
Oh yeah! I have got my emotion back now :D
OH YEAH!!!! Leif and I ent to the beach :D I was excited, and I keep saying that... Its weird... But I was xD haha
Well I better go now.
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn
P.S. I entered a lot in this one 0.o 4月20日 I have NO idea what to call this.So today wasn't one of my best days. I felt like I was very unwanted... Which really isn't the greatest feeling ever.
There have been so many things that I realized within this last week... One of them is that I will not be able to keep so many things of mine when I move out. Another is that I cannot keep Chyenne with me... Which really sucks, I will miss her so much, probably more than a lot of my family. I keep thinking about how I am going to go to College, its going to be interesting because I have no idea where I will be when I do start College.
I am thinking so much right now, and its really not overwhelming. Its kind of depressing in a way, but not really. I haven't been stressed out very much lately, its almost like a momentary stress then I am over it.
Well I have lost inspiration to continue writing this blog... Bye-Bye,
Ttfn Just a LITTLE pissed.So tomorrow I am supposed to be going to my brothers place alone, which is what I need, a day to just sit down and work on school, but SURPRISE! My little sister might be coming -.- Not that I don't enjoy hanging out with her sometimes, but I NEED to get my work done... and she REALLY doesn't help, she is a HUGE distraction. I asked mom if Amanda could just go out of our brothers apartment, her response "Well she has work to do too!!"
WELL SO DO I!
Its like she doesn't even care anymore, ever since it was decided that I am going to be move out, which I am now excited to do because then I won't have to deal with this shit anymore. I am so tired of it. I don't know if I will really miss being bitched at ALL THE TIME and Amanda, Miss Never-Gets-Caught, just gets away with murder because "She is so anti-social, so quiet" Well put her in fucking public school.
She will get:
1. Social
2. Her work done.
She half asses her work and now is pretty much getting D's and mom is OKAY with Amanda continuing homeschooling. Yeah. Okay. I can see the TOTAL sense in that. Amanda is anime obssessed and needs to have the manga/anime taken AWAY, but does ANYONE listen to me? NO! Hmm... It only makes sense to take away what distracts her soooooo much! I know, I'm wrong SORRY.
Well that is my rant for today.
Bye-bye,
Ttfn 4月19日 Were YouWere you ever nervous
just before you called?
When you look into my
eyes,
Do they send you butterflies?
Were you ever afraid to ask
me a question,
So you never did?
Have you ever lost sleep
and your
Only reason was that
You were thinking of me?
Did you ever hope that I
would somehow
Appear by your side,
and tell you,
Everything is Okay?
Have you ever told yourself
"Why didn't I...?"
Do you ever sit and wonder
about what I am doing?
Have you ever just stopped
and listened to
the silence,
But could only hear my voice?
Were you ever afraid to ask
me a question,
So you never did?
This is a lame poem I know... But oh well. 4月13日 "Bye-Bye, *enter* Ttfn"Well since I haven't used this color in a while I figured I would... Even though pink isn't really my favorite color... It used to be though, but not this pink, it was baby-pink kinda thing goin on. ANYWHO! I was a little bored and decided to look through my blogs to find the earliest "Bye-bye, *enter* Ttfn" ending. November 27th 2007 was the earliest to have both in there, it wasn't until December 10th 2007 when it was in the order I use it in now. I know its a weird thing to look at, but I since then I have ended so many other things with that...
This is by far the stupidest blog I have ever wrote. But yeah... I just changed all the font before this sentence from the following color: *shrieks* AHHHH!!
Yup. I was really bored and didn't see the color I am using now, which is a lot better, and less girly :)
Well I better go, I have to write about the ANGLO-SAXONS -_- Bleh
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn
(^-^ Heehee) 4月12日 Senior English, Computer Literacy A, and my family....So basically I have my Senior English class right now even though I am a Jr... Woo go me.
Well I am way behind in it :( And its really getting to me. I don't what exactly they want me to do because they don't SAY what they want me to do. I have almost cried three times today because of this damn class D: I HATE it. It tells me to do something on a test and I didn't even learn about it in the course material
 My school is so stupid... I don't understand why they don't at least touch on half of the material I will be tested on D: I have a feeling that I am going to fail the class. I have NO motivation to do work in the class. I hate it. I am trying to cach up, but I don't know what to do about the tests!! :( :( :( So right now I am screwed unless some miricale happens, which I doubt will. I just have to keep going I guess. I think I am just going to skip this test and move on
Even though I hate doing that.I am 4% complete with the course and in about 4 days I need to be somewhat close to 25% D: Thank God the essays (I have about four of them) will boost me at least 5 to 6% each time. I think that this English course should be given more time because there is A LOT of reading! *sigh* I am such a slow reader D: D: D: This sucks really bad because I really want to do my work, but whenever I try to its like someone is sitting in between me and my screen and I can't see what I am supposed to do.
I wish I could just focus on it *sigh* And I want to be a writer >.< But writers don't really have to know about this stuff in my English class... Oh well... I just have to keep going on.
On a lighter note, my Computer Literacy class is going GREAT! I love that class so much! Its actually a lot of fun... I thought it was going to be a boring class, but I was wrong! >.< I feel so stupid in the course though because I was so computer dumb before... I guess I have improved a little bit >.< But not by much. I am about where I should be in that class thank God!
Now... Back to the more depressing stuff... I don't think that my family likes me very much... They always seem to yell at me for something... I can honestly say I feel a little unloved... My mom, step-dad, and my little sister are all probably moving to Wisconson this summer... And I am choosing not to go. Mom's original plan was to wait until I finished high school then move because Amanda doesn't care where she lives. I will be done with high school in about a year... Why can't she just wait that much longer? I mean its a year longer... And I don't know if they truely honestly care about me anymore... I mean they do because they have to. My mom loves me because I am her daughter, but I don't know... It seems like if I were just one of her friends that she really wouldn't care about me too much. I feel like my family hates me sometimes... I know my mom doesn't really support the idea of me being a writer, though she "tries" to hide it.
I am always expected to be so happy around here, and if I'm not then everyone is even more pissed off with me, and its not fair. I am expected to just take it and just drag myself along. I am just supposed to put on a smile for everyone else's sake because they just don't want to deal with me when I am sad. Its like I am not allowed to be anything but Miss Happy-Caitlin, like I am not allowed to do anything but comfort them.
I remember when I used to be able to talk to mom... But now I can't... She just tells people now, I hate that I can't trust her like I used to be able to trust her... I would tell her secrets and she wouldn't say anything unless she needed to. I miss that mom, the old mom... Now all she ever seems to care about is herself D: She does things for me sure, but its only because she has to do it, but the instant she doesn't have to, she won't do it "for" me anymore. I hate that I see all this... I wish I was blind to it still, I hate how things are going with my family right now.
My step-mom is supposedly pregnant again and that isn't good news for dad, I feel so bad for him. I want to take my little brother from my step-mom and only let dad see him... I would never let my step-mom touch him again :( She is so cruel to him. Barely feeding him, accused of hitting him, not changing his diapers when needed, swearing at him, venting to him as if he were an adult, getting fucked up on pills around him. I HATE HER. She does NOT deserve the title "mother."
Well I am going to go.
Bye-bye,
Ttfn 4月11日 I love youI love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
I love the way you stand, Or sit In your chair…
I love the way you look At me, Even though its not the Loving stare…
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
I hate that I would do Anything for you, And never Question why you wanted Me to do it.
I hate that I try to Be away from you, To distance Myself, So that I never can get hurt.
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
I am afraid to tell you Things About me, In fear you will hate me Afterward.
I am afraid to ask you Things, Just in case, Your answer hurts.
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there is no stopping it.
My mind wonders into The fantasy That could be.
My mind wonders into The reality Which scares me.
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
My eyes go this way And that way, Hoping ours Will meet and exchange The words, We will never speak.
My eyes travel, Hoping to get lost In yours, Just to see your story, And What you are all about.
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
My mouth dare not Speak Any words of love to you, For you might See My number one weakness
Is you.
My mouth dare not Get close to you, For it is afraid of making The wrong Move And whispering “Its too soon.”
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
My nights are filled With thoughts Of you.
My nights are composed Of odd dreams Of me And Of you.
Alone I cry, Night after night, Just to relieve All the stress and pain You’ve given to me. Anything to ease My pain. Anything to keep you From my brain, But the harder I tried, The more You were there.
I love you. I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
I want you to move out Of my mind.
I want you to invite me Into yours.
I love you I cannot deny it. I love you. And there’s no stopping it.
I love you.
I cannot deny my heart Its feelings.
I love you.
And there is no way anyone Or thing That can stop it.
4-6-08 4月6日 100th Blog.At first thing blog was going to be about love. Then it was going to be a speech that I was going to write. Then I didn't know what to write about. Then someone suggested that I make it about poetry, and that sounded like a good idea, and it still is, but now I am not sure what it is going to be. I could make it about all of these things, and it would be long. I could do so many things with this blog, I could... I can make it any length, long or short. I could make it about a lot of things. I could... I could... I could...
I coud write about my friends. I could say what I think about everyone in my life. I could write about old times. I could write about the newer times. I could write about my unknown future, but I don't know what exactly I should write. I should just write what I am feeling. I am feeling confused. I am feeling alone. I am feeling like I can't help anyone in the world anymore. I feel useless. I feel stupid. I feel like I am going to cry. I feel like I should be sorry for all my mistakes, my thoughts, my dreams, my ideas, my anything. I feel like I owe almost everyone I know an apology, but I know I don't. I feel depressed. I feel uninspired. I feel like I am going to crash and burn, and people will just watch me go, just like before. I feel so many things. I feel jugded for things I didn't do. I feel like everyone can see through me. I feel like I am never going to be understood. And I don't know why. I hate that I am making this a big sobby blog. I hate that I do this so often. I feel like I should just get on with it and make something big and special. I feel pressure from everyone, though no one really pays attention to these, these blogs tell a story. These blogs are special to me. Writing is special to me. I feel like I don't know what I want anymore. I feel horrible. I just don't know. I don't know anything. I don't want to know anything.
And now I am thinking, "I could have wrote about a million different things, but I haven't." I could have. I hate that, its always the could-have should-have with me. I could change it, I should change it, but I don't know how I will or if I will just sit myself down to do it.
Everyone today is could-have should-have. There is no "I am going to." without the "only if..." following it.
On my 50th blog I feel like I made a mistake because I heald back from writing about what I felt in that slot simply because it was my 50th blog. I am not going to do that again. Its more important to get what I feel down rather than be worried about its number. I will number it, but it won't be reserved again.
I am no longer in that sad mood I was in before, I feel better now, a little bit more ready to take something on.
I did what I promised today, and the person I promised knows what it is.
I hate that I was expected to do something in this blog, something big and special, but it was my own fault that I was because I was all excited "Oh my 100th!" Which is awesome, but I am not going to put a bar to it. I am going to write what I feel in my blogs, not make it some big huge thing that hardly anyone even pays attention to anyways. It is for me, not my "readers."
What I concider a reader is someone that reads my blogs without me telling them I have a new one up. A reader is someone that comments my blogs, even if the blog is just something stupid, a little sentence will do, just so I know that the person read it. A reader is someone that sends me a message or comment on here asking if I could write something about this or that, just so that they could hear my view on it. I have to tell people I put a new blog up. I have to ask people in my blogs to comment. No one asks me to write about a certain thing. But I am really starting to care less. I am not saying praise me for my writing. I am just saying that I don't have a true-blue reader, well not a full reader.
I am sorry that this wasn't the blog you were expecting for my 100th blog. I should go now.
Bye-bye,
Ttfn 4月4日 La do La Da!So today was really fun! I got to hang out with Leif, Adrian, and Felipe :D I haven't hung out with Adrian and Felipe in a while, so it was nice seeing them :) I also got to see Leif's grandma and mom, and of course his little sisters :) And! Jill (Leif's mom) and I gave Leif a nice little "wedging of the boxers" before I went home haha I loved it xD
But anyways... This font is kinda big @_@ It is annoying me fore some reason.
Crap! I have to do school >.< I don't want to right now though >.<
So things have been pretty hectic around here... My Aunt Rockey came in today at four for some reasons that will remain unsaid... But lets just say they really aren't for the best of reasons.
So anyways... This is my 99th blog, and my 100th isn't going to be what I wanted it to be, its really something I have lost inpiration for, kinda sad that I did too, it would have been awesome too >.< I guess I still could post it, but it really wouldn't be the same if I didn't put any emotion into it. Most of my blogs/poems lately have just been really bad. I have been uninspired because it is getting sunnier out, I know that it is weird because my writing depends on the weather... But that is just the way it is. In the summer I am happier and not really into writing poems because all I want to do is just be outside and hanging out with friends and just goofing around. During the winter though, I am more depressed and find it easier to write things, I want to be inside where it is warm and I can hide out away from people and just focus solely on writing.
Its so weird... Normally I don't mind being empty inside, but lately its been kind of out of hand, its been over a month where I have been just numb. I hate it. I truely hate it. I have no idea what can snap me out of it, but I am afraid to snap out of it, because normally what comes first is a week of depression, but this time I could be depressed for a lot longer than normal. I just want my emotions back, I am dying to get them back, I don't look forward to anything, I don't smile a real smile at jokes I know I think are funny, I just don't have anything to make me laugh, I mean the jokes would if I had more emotion, but I don't right now, so I don't know... I am just really wanting them back, I need to have them back. I love having my emotions, I realize now how horrible life would be if everyone was like this all the time.
I used to think that life would be better if no one had emotions, but now I see that that is really wrong to think because it is dull. Nothing truely excites you, nothing makes you truely happy, and you are stuck like this, trying to escape, but you just can't find the exit. And it could be something small to make you feel, and you realize what it is, but you are so emotionless that you can't feel what you need to feel anymore in order to feel what you need to feel in order to get your emotions back.
I wonder how I got my emotions back before... Well... I think I know how, but I am not going to say how on here, that is something for me, and not for anyone else... But I don't know any other way... I wonder how many oother people get this feeling of emptiness and feeling alone, even though there is someone there beside them and this person is listening to all of what you are saying, and paying attention to all of how you are feeling, but there is something that makes you feel like you are alone. That no one will ever understand you, even though the person right next to you understands you perfectly. Like no other. They understand you.
Maybe that is the problem though, someone undertanding you and listening to you, maybe you need to be alone and this is the number one way that your mind thinks of when trying to tell you to just make some time for yourself? Hmm... Maybe.
Well, I better go, its kind of funny, I always leave right before the very peek of my thought process, and let the reader make up the rest, but I guess everyone has their ways. I give it away, but there really could be more to it :)
Well I got to go do school now.
Bye-bye
Ttfn 4月3日 Kids These DaysKids these days,
They just don't understand.
Kids these days,
They think they are so
mature.
Kids these days.
Do they see the falsness
of it all?
Are they too lazy to
look for the facts?
Do they not just believe
what they are told?
Made not to question.
Made just to worry.
Made not to create new ideas.
Made just to be mindless.
Kids these days,
They just don't understand.
Kids these days,
Their creativity smothered.
"Teacher, teacher,
look what I made!
Look the colors!
Wait, wait...
Nevermind...
The teacher doesn't care,
for such affairs."
Kids these days,
They just don't understand.
Kids these days,
Made to believe that
imagination is wrong,
That make-believing is
silly.
Kids these days,
They just don't understand.
Made to believe they
know it all.
Made to believe they
don't need
to question.
That they don't need
to listen,
That they can blindly follow,
thinking
they will be taken care
of.
Kids these days,
They just don't understand.
War will happen.
Death will happen.
Bad things WILL happen.
Kids these days,
They just don't understand,
That the good things
are there too,
and to not focus so
much on the bad. |
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