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Caitlin----My Little World of Wonders and Writing---- |
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11月26日 Thanksgiving Day Blog Not About ThanksgivingHello hello again my invisible friends of the interwebs :)
Long time no blog, well sort of.
Anywho! Amanda is finally here :) My funds are running waaayyy low though, it's rediculous :( I dislike being this low. I don't even like it when I only have $700. At least I get paid soon though :) Just trying to not spend money until then, which is somewhat of a challenge because of holidays coming up and my nasty habit of buying things -.-
I am thinking I need to get a roommate, but this is all dependant on if I get to keep my job, bleh. Hopefully I do because it is a good job, but I really dislike it. I just get somewhat bored just sitting here. At least I can blog because no one is here though. I am starting to mind less and less when people come in, which is a good thing.
I have been feeling unmotivated lately. I don't even wake up early enough for work to shower and have time to walk Chyenne in the mornings like I used to. I just keep staying up so late, but that has to stop. I am far too content to let a full day pass by without going out on a walk or cleaning my house spotless. It's driving me a little insane. Also, writing is becoming less and less important to me. I hate this most. The ONLY reason why it is becoming less important to me is that I don't feel like I COULD write something, even if I wanted to, but I KNOW I could. There is just nothing inspiring right now in my life, in my opinion. I remember when I used to sit down and focus on the thing I was writing, not even when diner was ready would I stop until I felt it was perfect, or at least close to it.
I am starting to think I won't be able to go to college with the way things are going and how this job is. It makes me a little bit depressed thinking about it. I feel held back.
I don't think I have really turned my mind on for writing in a long time, I wonder why I don't just let myself go anymore. Possibly because when I do just release my mind to go free, I feel disconnected from whatever it is that I used to draw inspiration from. I think I need to move on from what that was or rather who that was. I love to dwell on the past though and that is where I got many of my poems, but the past that I used to dwell on doesn't have meaning to me in anymore, not inspiriing meaning at least. I don't want to go back to that state, just thinking and thinking about all the things and all the feelings. Those feelings were the most depressing feelings I've ever had. Maybe this is why I don't care much for being in love. Seems whenever I am in love with a person, the more depressed about the person I am, the more in love with them I am. This makes absolutely no sense, but I blame this on the fact that the first time I ever loved someone, it was unrequited love and a most painful experience. I remember when my mind would just roam, all the feelings didn't belong to just one time-frame, though the feelings expressed always came from the same one, but I meant those feelings to not be for the person I used to dwell on, but rather for the (at the time) current. I was never really good at expressing myself because I was never able to express myself to the person I was dwelling on for so long. Then, once I did express myself, I felt such a release that I stopped having to write my poetry and essays of thought. I feel that that was and is a mistake because I found that I loved writing, even if the passion I expressed wasn't going to be seen by the person I was dwelling on. That started to not matter though, I just cared about the current times seeing it. Now I don't have anyone to show or to express to unless it is lust, but I don't lust after anyone. Though I like the fighting of feeling that I always had: the should I, knowing that I shouldn't. It was interesting to put my mind in that place of questioning. It is more difficult now, but by writing this I am finding a new inspiration. I will have to reread this later on when I am wanting to write something.
I should read the play that my friend sent me, and I am really sorry for having not do so by now.
Bye-Bye, Ttfn 11月20日 Ooga Booga BoogaYes, I know, I forgot to blog yesterday, but I didn't really want to blog yesterday so...
Anywho. I am kind of excited for Thanksgiving, I am going to my dad's house and all that fun stuff, I am pretty sure my brother is coming too, so that will be cool. Also I assume it will be at my Aunt T.C.'s house because she is their neighbor and does have the nicer of the two kitchens.
Amanda is supposed to be here this Saturday (which means I need to do a few things before she gets here). I am hoping that she actually does get here this week -.- She was supposed to be here on the 30th of Oct. but she wasn't able to come. I would gladly buy part of her ticket, but my parents won't let me, even though I am possibly the most able to do so. I have barely ANYTHING to pay *sigh* Anyways. I shouldn't complain, at least she is coming here... who knows when she will go back, but at least she is coming back here.
I might loose my job, which is all fun, I know. I will probably pick up the applications for unemployment and start applying places/packing up my things. If I loose my job here, I get 1 day to move out, or at least that was how it was the last time I checked (which was over a year ago, so I could be wrong).
But I should just stop this boring blog now.
Andy -.- Don't tell me if you read this because I dislike it when people read my blogs.
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月18日 Age CycleSuch advantages we do take,
with young bodies and
unlost loved ons.
Pretending our parents have no age,
for we have yet to experience
the times wearing pains;
We hold Triumph in our unwrinkled skins,
for we have yet to value the experience
and joys far greater than our good grades.
In our youth there is power,
but our youth is seen as just that:
Youth. Inexperienced and hot-headed.
So we do wish to be old; to b heard,
while the generation of a few years ago wishes again
to be part of the youth.
By: Caitlin Schemmer
This is an edited version of a poem I wrote today :) 11月17日 About My Positivity BlogsI have decided that updating every day isn't really needed anymore, so from now on it will be every week unless I really need to write them daily again. Which I think might happen, but I want to try and get off of writing the same things everyday.
In place of my positivity blogs, I plan on trying to write a blog everyday (which will be hard lol) And yes =P This one does indeed count xD
I am also working on another project that is going to be taking a bit of time to do, but it will be fun =)
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月16日 Positivity Blog 69 (11-15-09)Positive:
There were so many awesome things that happened today =) I don't think I have ever had a better birthday ever.
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月15日 Positivity Blog 68 (11-14-09)Positive:
There is more, but I need to go to bed,
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月14日 Positivity Blog 67 (11-13-09)Positive:
Negative:
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月13日 Positivity Blog 66 (11-12-09)Positive:
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月12日 Positivity Blog 65 (11-11-09)Positive:
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn 11月11日 Positivity Blog 64 (11-10-09)Positive:
Bye-Bye,
Ttfn |
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